Friday, January 8, 2010

Widowhood, Holidays, and Life

This was our first holiday season without Jack. What can I say? We made it through intact, and that was a good thing. We made some new traditions, and we kept some old ones.

For Thanksgiving, we travelled to southern CA to spend the holiday week-end with Jack's family. It was the first Thanksgiving that we spent with them. When Jack was alive, he and I loved to cook the Thanksgiving meal. He did the bird, and I did most of the trimmings. We had fun, and we worked well together. The trip went well, and it was good to see everyone. I enjoyed having a holiday where I didn't have to cook. The food was good, the company great, and I made at least one new friend. On the other hand, it was sad to not have Jack with us in person. I'm sure he was there in spirit, though.

We stayed home for Christmas. The girls and I had a small Solstice celebration at home. We had a few friends over for the evening. We burned the Yule Log, which was bittersweet. I told the girls that we were sending the spirit of last Solstice up to Papa in Summerland. Last year, Sarah really cried when we burned the Yule Log. This year, she was fine with it. For me, it was bittersweet to see the log go up in flames. While it was the right thing to do, and the tradition in our home, it was also sad to see that representation of our last Solstice together go up in flames. On Christmas Santa was very good to the girls. They got pretty much what they asked Santa for. There were also some lovely gifts for me under the tree; some to consume, and some to hang up. My mom joined us, and it was spent quietly at home.

Today, I was changing the sheets on our bed. I put one of my favorite sets on the bed. They are the first set of 400 thread count sheets that I bought for Jack years ago before we were living together. After the fitted sheet was on, I could actually see the slight wear marks from where we both slept so many times. It was just another reminder that he's not here anymore. I find little reminders as I go through daily life just like that one. The intense pain of it is less than it was, but it's still noticable and a part of my life.

Life is moving on whether I want it to or not. I'm about to start the clinical portion of my nursing refresher course next week, so life is about to get a lot busier. Jack would be pleased that I've made it this far. After all, our last conversation was him being supportive of me doing the refresher course. I still wish that he was here to tell me in person.


  1. Geez, Linda,

    I was thinking about you guys throughout the whole holiday season, wondering how hard this must be for you.

    I don't know what more to say really, other than I wish he was here to tell you in person too...



  2. Little reminders like those sheets can be a path to healing and recovery as well as just a painful reminder.
    New tradition: put those sheets on the bed the week of special dates... anniversary, birthdays, Valentines, etc. When you dress the bed, intentionally reflect on something sweet or special that happened with THOSE sheets on the bed.
    The first one or two might still be painful. But in short order, the sheets will bring a smile and a happy thought to you each time that you use them. And it will make sleeping in the bed all the sweeter for the happy memories.